Bae So Woke

Here’s a little insight into how we workshop jokes together. In this case, it’s a joke about self-consciously socially progressive hotties, aka ‘woke baes’.

Mel: I am workshopping a joke about how you can only have sex with a woke bae – you can never ‘sleep with’ them because they are too woke to sleep. Maybe there’s not enough in that joke.

Anthony: Hmmm, no, there’s something there. My bae’s so woke he only makes love.

Mel: My bae’s so woke he can’t fall asleep after sex.

Anthony: He’s so woke he has to make all his decisions right away.

Mel: He’s so woke that he won’t go into Captain Snooze.

Anthony: I tried to sleep with that guy but he was just too woke. He’s so woke no matter how he sits he never cuts the circulation off to his limbs.

Mel: He’s so woke that he doesn’t have any of that crust in the corners of his eyes.

Anthony: Only 200 more and we can put out a book.

Mel: BAE SO WOKE (by the authors of The Hot Guy).

Anthony: My bae is SO WOKE he refused to watch Sleepy Hollow.

Mel: Bae so woke that his idea of a nap is lying down and refreshing himself by thinking of injustice.

Anthony: My bae is so woke he can’t even say the title of Sleeping Beauty. He has to call it “that sexist patriarchal fairy tale bullshit”. And then he apologises to bulls.

Mel: Bae so woke that Christmas is tomorrow. It’s also the day after tomorrow.

Anthony: Bae so woke he has to act it out with hand gestures when he tries to buy a sleeping bag.

Melissa: Why would he even want a sleeping bag?

Anthony: To give to the homeless.

Mel: LOLIRL

Anthony: Bae so woke he just calls sleeping pills “pills”.

Mel: Bae so woke that the Beastie Boys wrote that song about him going to Brooklyn.

Anthony: 👍🏿 Bae so woke that after 20 years he still has no idea what ‘Enter Sandman’ is meant to be about.

Mel: I’m trying to get something out of ‘lullaby’/‘lull a bae’

Anthony: Hmm. A lull a bae is what you sing when you want your baby to stay woke.

Mel: Yes, yes, nice.

Anthony: A woke baby sounds horrific.

Mel: Why are we even wokeshopping this stuff?

Anthony: To stay woke?

heart naps stay woke

Mel: Bae so woke that the Mafia can’t dispose of his body in water.

Anthony: I don’t get it.

Mel: Because he can’t sleep with the fishes.

Anthony: Ahhh. Maybe more like, “they can’t dump him in the river/harbour”.

Mel: Bae so woke he always takes first watch. And second watch. Also, Woke Bae is distraught by the US election – because it seems election day will never end.

Anthony: Trouble is that’s a two-stage joke – bae first has to be so woke he never sleeps, and then you get to the endless Election Day.

Mel: I thought the joke had to start with bae being upset about the election, and you’re thinking, “oh right, it’s because he’s so woke,” but then no, it’s because he never sleeps.

Anthony: But then bae so woke he still living the Election Day when Obama got in. The first time.

Mel: Yes, that might woke.

Anthony: Bae so woke Trump ain’t his worst nightmare coz he don’t know what a nightmare is.

Mel: 👍🏼

Anthony: I think these jokes are getting pretty abstract. Bae so woke he takes Stilnox just to force himself to blink. No – Bae so woke he got to take Stilnox just to blink.

Mel: I think the best woke bae jokes are the ones that themselves reference wokeness.

Anthony: Bae so woke he got to take Stilnox just to blink at the obviousness of America’s racism.

Mel: Bae so woke he got to take Stilnox to blink and miss Hillary’s presidential chances.

Anthony: 👍🏿 Bae so woke he got to take Stilnox to blink away the tears of yet another betrayal by white folks.

Mel: Yes, yes.

Anthony: Bae so woke the last dream he had was Martin Luther King’s.

Mel: Hahaha!

Anthony: I’m part of the problem.

Mel: Bae so woke that he blames himself for Trump’s victory – he and the rest of the white woking class. That’s more a pun than a true woke bae joke, though.

Anthony: He’s a woking-class man. That’s the subtitle for the book.

Melissa Campbell: “Two gay fathers’ son left to carry on/Blue Ivy in his memes/Whoahhh he’s a woking-class man.”

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